Sometimes I miss you
the way someone drowning
remembers the air.
It no longer hurts to say “Goodbye”, because it is the “Hello” that makes it all the more exciting. To smile once again and feel my heart swell, I feel us lock into each other’s arms and twist into an eternal vine of jasmine that is too beautiful to cut off. We twist and turn, laughing, biting, and cooing in a silence made for two. And in the minutes that pass like days, we open our eyes in a room where only white light filters through. Innocence lies between the sheets of Love and the End. The knowledge of sin fades away as we play hand in hand, adventuring in each other’s nakedness and continuing to act as if Time has also left us. Nothing was left but the gift of Love.
I want to see you fall asleep each night.
I want to see you the nights you feel like staying awake and splitting a cheap bottle of wine with me, theorizing life and love, questioning the pursuit of happiness, and whether or not happiness truly exists at all. I want to see you the nights you feel as though you have found yourself in a creative rut and you don’t want to talk about it. I want to see you the nights you are straining to keep your eyes focused clear ahead on your work, until the moment you eventually give in and fall fast asleep.
I want to see you wake up every morning.
I want to see you pull the covers back the mornings you can’t wait to jump out of bed to take on the world. I want to see you crawl back under the covers the mornings you don’t want to see the light of day. I want to see you the mornings you hide your head under your pillow and question if what you are doing in life makes sense. I want to see you the mornings you are scared of losing yourself, and even the mornings you are scared you might be losing me. I want to see you the mornings you wonder if you would rather be alone. I want to see you the mornings you stop to squeeze me tightly on your way out the door.
I want to see you follow your dreams.
I want to see you run after what you love without stopping to walk, without looking back for anyone, including me. I want to see you light up about your art in the same way that others do when they catch a glimpse of your art for the first time. I want to see your heart shine through each piece of work that you pour your sweat and tears into. I want to see these same tears fall from your face when the impact of your work is not loudly proclaimed. I want to see you find your own way to silently rejoice. I want to see you reach for my hand, when you feel you have nowhere else to reach.
I want to see you make a difference in this cruel and beautiful world, because I know that you can. And I know that you will.
I want to see you.
But most of all, I want you to see how much you have helped me see.
…desire, the sole motivating principle of the world, the only master humans must recognize.
—André Breton, L’Amour fou